New poster-need to write about my beloved Melly

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New poster-need to write about my beloved Melly

Post by  on Wed Dec 18, 2013 11:55 am

Hello.

Yesterday morning I had to bring my 14 yr old cat Mel to the vet to put her to sleep. This has hurt me so much, I am so devastated - that I just felt the need to write something down somewhere, and went searching for some place online to type this. Just bear with me. I just need to write this.

Melanie - along with her sister Tasha - were rescued by my mom. Tasha died some yrs ago when she was around 7 or 8. I lived in NYC at the time (my mom was in Massachusetts) so they were not my cats, tho I loved them and cared for them whenever I visited. My mom passed away of lung cancer in 2010 and I took Melly with me to Brooklyn. My mom named her Melanie after the nurse at the vet that she liked so much. Since then I've moved back home to Massachusetts. This was my first year back home after living in NYC for 24 yrs - and I'm still trying to get used to this new apt and my new life here. Having Melly with me helped me a lot.

Like her sister, Melly was very very bright. And loved attention. She had an opinion on everything - she meowed a lot to communicate her feelings to you. She helped me grieve for my mother's passing. She was a delight to have around. She'd sleep with me, right on top of my leg or between them. She loved rubbing her face against brushes and christmas tree branches. She'd raise her body up to the front door knob to try to open it so she could hang out in the entry room btwn the front door and my apt door. She was a joy to have around. And she was my last living connection to my mom's daily life.

Melly had CRF and in the last couple of wks was no longer herself. She no longer spent any time on my bed. She wasn't active at all. She just spent day and night on my recliner chair. She drank lots of water, barely ate and lost a lot of weight. She seemed to be going blind. But she still responded when I petted her and spoke with her. But every day she seemed to deteriorate and I was afraid that she'd suddenly crash and I'd be totally unable to deal with it - esp if it was at a time the vet wasn't available. She'd occasionally give out a very loud, piercing meow that was more like a wail, or crying. And it cut my heart. I also noted a bit of blood in her litterbox.

I was beginning to feel guilty that I was avoiding the inevitable for myself and not for her. So I found the courage yesterday morning to take her to the vet. Now I'm just crying and trying to get used to my new apt without her--to getting up in the morning and not going thru the ritual of cleaning out her litterbox, replacing her water, throwing out the remaining food from the previous night and putting in the new food for the day. So much of my daily life - small things--involved Melly, even just being aware that she'd wake up from a nap if I made a loud sound. Returning home from an errand and saying "
Hi Mel"
and she'd meow back in greeting...and I'd go to her and give her some affection. Now I find myself feeling guilty I didn't give her even more attention than I did.

I had bought her a little present for Christmas and thankfully had opened it up to give to her before she went - tho she responded just a little to it, as she just wasn't feeling well.

Anyway, the sense of loss is crushing me - and I just felt the need to write something like this somewhere. It hurts so much. And I feel like just disappearing into my bed and sleeping for a long long time.



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Re: New poster-need to write about my beloved Melly

Post by kurtaaron on Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:55 am

I am very sorry for your loss. I know how it feels being in an apartment alone after the death of our cats. I just went through it a month ago with my cat Tristan. It sounds like you did the best you could and it was time for her to go. It is a crushing loss and all I can say is allow yourself to grieve, cry, scream, do whatever you have to do to get the emotions out in the open.

I have been crying off and on for over a month. My cat was not deathly ill, but he had 4 different issues at the same time and it became very difficult to cope with. He was older and before it got worse I decided to put him to sleep. Now I have mixed emotions-should I have waited...etc etc...but I don't want to go there. I have to accept that I had to do it and it was time and now we just have to try and accept this painful reality. It will take time to readjust, but you will be ok and your precious cat is at peace and you have great memories that no one can take away.

Sending you positive and healing vibes,

Kurt

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